when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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