she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
