Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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