Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize