6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
