my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
