I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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