Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize