the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
