He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize