Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
