your parents love me but you hate me
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
