Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
