Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
