She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
