that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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