I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Randomize
