you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
