Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
