Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Randomize
