I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize