Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
