all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
