Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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