I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
