If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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