im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
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