@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
