no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
