No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
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