i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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