Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
