and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
