there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
