JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
as a side note pls kill me
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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