I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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