Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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