I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize