Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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