i barfeds in our rink
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
