Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
