You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
