Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize