I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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