I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
