they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
