your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
