We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
