He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
