Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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