Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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