so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Randomize
