she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
