I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
