you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
