I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
