I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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