im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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