Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You may now shotgun with the bride
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize