so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
