Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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