You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Ladies don't puke and tell
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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