Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
