So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize