I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
