White coat. Heels.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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