I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
