My first STD was from a foam party
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize