the condom got lost in my hair
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
