i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
