I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
