Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
