For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
