New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
