Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
