OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I have post one night stand depression
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