I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
