Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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