She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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