I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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