Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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