So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
