Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
