Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
