Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
