I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
