Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
