So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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