Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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