Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
