it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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