Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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