so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
