Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
