Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
