One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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