It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
