we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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