my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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