its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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