then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
