idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize